Mixed Emotions

But I still love him.
The third time he beat me I was in the hospital for four days.
I'm safe here at the shelter -
	me and the two kids.
He promised me
	if I didn't press charges,
	he'd stop drinking,
		take his meds,
			and go to counseling.

He said he loves me.
       He loves the kids,
At least I hid the gun.
He's out on bond.
	He's not supposed to have a gun.

I'm afraid that he'll be waiting outside every time I leave church.
I never know what he's going to do.

Some friends asked me, “Why don't you just leave?”
	There's the kids, and one of them just started school.
Well. Finally, I did.
	I just left.

The shelter is trying to find us a safe place,
 	a place I can afford on assistance.

I don't like to talk to people about my problems.
	They have troubles of their own.
Besides, I'm almost ashamed 
	to be here in the Women's Center and Shelter.
Now there's nobody in the house.
	A friend picked up most of my clothes and some of the
                kids' toys, while he was at work.
That house was my home for more than five years.

What does he mean
        when he says he still loves me?
I know he loves the kids.

Some friends asked, “Why don't you let him come back?”
	Because I'm scared.  
		I'm lonely and scared.  It's hard to explain.

Other friends asked, “What did you see in him?

The kids ask, “Where's daddy?”

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